Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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