Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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