I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There are leaves in my underwear?
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