Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
