his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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