well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
