i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
