The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
