even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
