Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
