guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The struggles of a small town man whore
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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