My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We left an ass print on the piano.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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