Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
