so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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