I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
