Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
