He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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