i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
