I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
