he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
