so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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