Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
