If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
