Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
