Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
