he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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