Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
