I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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