Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
