i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
