i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
