Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
