sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
