for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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