dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
