he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
