Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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