So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
