How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
