I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize