So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
