Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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