oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
