Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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