dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
