I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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