we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
