do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
