I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
