So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
