it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
