I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
