my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
