I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize