Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
