a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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