I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
