she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
