she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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