sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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