And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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