saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I stole a fireplace last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
