you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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