I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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