now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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