I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
