I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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