Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
