So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
