How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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