can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
