At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize