Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
