So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize