i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
