I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
