Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
