Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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