It's Friday. Sex?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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