he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
