It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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