I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize