at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
