Can Purell be used as lube?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
