oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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