so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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