this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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