A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My nipple is on Facebook.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The uberlube is also flammable
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
