eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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