I think I won the penis lottery.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
