I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
