I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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