You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
