i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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