well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's never too late to be topless.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize