i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
