DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So much rum. So many feels.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
