i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
