my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize