I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize