Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
