I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
